1.) The "Redeem Team" is a few minutes away from supposedly achieving their destiny and reclaiming the Gold for the red, white, and blue. I'm still not sure if I'll be able to watch the game. Given how C/S Sports have already cheated all of us non-destiny cable subscribers of the semifinal game between the U.S. and Argentina, anything's possible at this point. Apparently, not everyone gets to see destiny unfold anymore; unless you subscribe to destiny.
I have to say though: at least in these Olympics, Basketball has kicked Soccer's ass. We've just witnessed the best basketball players of this generation compete with each other in the international stage: Yao Ming, Pau Gasol, Manu Ginobilli, Kobe Bryant, Dwyane Wade, LeBron James, etc. Everyone vilifies the NBA for being too commercial, but we just saw literally dozens of their investments kill each other in Beijing. Ginobilli and Spain's Jose Calderon got hurt playing for their country.
Meanwhile, professional Football league pussies have robbed the Olympics of some of the biggest names in the sport: Kaka, Robinho, Messi, and Steven Gerrard (okay, it's not Liverpool's fault; it's England's fault that they collectively suck). Kaka was prohibited by AC Milan to participate, same for Robinho with Real Madrid, and Messi with Barcelona. That's the equivalent of LeBron, Kobe, AND Manu not playing for their respective countries because the Cavs, Lakers, and Spurs prohibited them to. Are we sure fascism in Europe is dead?
And we're supposed to believe that the Italian Football League, English Premiere League, the La Liga, the League of Nations, or whatever the hell else they have in Europe are supposed to be more dignified, honorable, and classy than the hip-hop generation NBA? Bollocks.
2.) The hilarious Greg Easterbrook of ESPN.com (he's not trying to be funny, by the way) has this to say about Michael Phelps' fingernail win in the 100-meter butterfly:
"The timer said Michael Phelps swam the 100-meter butterfly in 50.58 seconds, Milorad Cavic swam it in 50.59 -- can anyone seriously believe either finished one-hundredth of a second different from the other? The timer said Britta Steffen swam the 50-meter freestyle one-hundredth of a second faster than Supermom Dara Torres. Tenths of seconds are absurd enough...A hundredth of a second is too fleeting to have any common-sense relevance, let alone decide an athletic event; and this is setting aside whether a mechanical device splashed with water (the touch pads) can be accurate to the hundredth of the second. Yet numerous clocks in Beijing show hundredths of seconds, as if these splinters of time can be measured meaningfully."
I told a friend about this, and we instantly conjured the following scenario: the IOC has consulted the world's greatest physicists to help them settle the dispute. The olympic officials stare at the world-class geeks as they ramble on about erudite concpets such as The Special Theory of Relativity, Quantum Mechanics, String Theory, and the Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle. The debate goes on for hours, until finally an exasperated 60-year-old German scientist with 2-inch thick glasses screams: "In zee fers place, does time even exeeest?!!!!" The IOC guys storm out of the room and beg Phelps to take the gold medal off their hands.
3.) Oh. It turns out C/S is showing the bronze medal game between Lithuania and Argentina. LIVE! We have a chance my friends...
4.) Speaking of Olympic Basketball, I haven't seen one game by the U.S. Women's team. With Sharpova not even participating in Women's Tennis, Sue Bird has become the lone Olympic hottie by default. After watching the Amazonians in track & field and swimming, it wouldn't have hurt to have some eye candy.
5.) Everybody's making a big deal of the possibly underaged girls of the Chinese gymnastics team, but no one's making a fuss over Ricky Rubio of the Spanish basketball team. Are we sure he's 17 and not a high school freshman? Everyone has had a skinny classmate back in high school who always got bullied whatever he did, and who looked exactly like Rick Rubio.6.) And speaking of these supposed underaged Chinese girls...
Suspicions have gained new momentum recently. And because of what, you ask? Because some computer hacker claims IN HIS WEBSITE that he has broken through databases proving gymnasts He Kexin and Yang Yilin are only 14 years old.
WHAAAAT? Stuff said on the internet are still being taken seriously?????? In 2008????? WOW!!!! I thought we lost our cyberspace innocence years ago!!!
Well, then allow me to make this announcement: I AM MARRIED TO JENNIFER LOVE HEWITT. That's right. For 11 years now. We've been hitched since her "Party of Five" days. I promised her I would keep this secret, but I can no longer allow this charade to continue. Plus, she's not that famous anymore, so it's not like anyone would care.
And in case you're wondering: yes, her cutesy perkiness does get a little grating after a while. But the important thing here is that I am sleeping with her and you're not.
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