In an episode of the indie comedy series "Portlandia", the fictional Carrie played by ex-Sleater Kinney frontwoman Carrie Brownstein asks her cleaning lady, the real-life Aimee Mann, if she stole her missing necklace. Aimee Mann says no, she didn't take it. Carrie is persistent: "Here's a little grace period where it's still okay if you were like, 'yeah, I took it'...five...four...three..." An exasperated Aimee Mann cuts her off: "I didn't take your necklace!" Then, Carrie's friend Fred (played by Saturday Night Live's Fred Armisen), without missing a beat, shifts from suspicious boss to annoying fan: "Hey, Aimee. You know who we hate? Tori Amos."
It was easily one of the funniest TV moments of the year and it starred an angry feminist rocker and a depressing singer-songwriter. Carrie Brownstein fronted perhaps the most political riot grrrl band of the 90s while Aimee Mann wrote songs with lyrics like "It's not going to stop, so just give up" and "Do me a favor, if I should waver, be my savior and get out the gun". Humor isn't exactly a part of their repertoire. But this is no longer the 90s and they know it. We live in an era where playing a version of yourself that cleans houses because you can't sell records anymore is not merely okay, it's a brilliant career move.
Remember in the 90s when you had to be totally deep, weird, and serious (or even dead) to be cool? Or in the 2000s when you had to be cool to be cool? Well, that is so over because now you have to be funny to be cool. Conan O'Brien, Zach Galifianakis, Will Ferrell, Sarah Silverman, Jon Stewart...they have become the new archetypes of a hipster, smart-ish cool previously owned by the Julian Casablancas and Elliott Smith types who, while smart and hip, are utterly humorless. And nothing could possibly be lamer today than taking yourself too seriously.
From the minute Robert De Niro sparred with comedy cool guy du jour Ben Stiller in "Meet the Parents", Pandora's box was opened. Now, the zeitgeist is in full-tilt. P. Diddy, or whatever the hell name he uses now, was a scene-stealer in "Get Him to the Greek". We all remember Tom Cruise's dance moves in "Tropic Thunder" (although it's still debatable whether or not it was funny). Blythe Danner, for heaven's sake, uttered the funniest line in "Paul": "my pot!"
Some have even demonstrated that comedy isn't something you merely "dabble" in. Alec Baldwin has transitioned from debonaire action hero to funny man so seamlessly that comedy is all he's known for now. Justin Timberlake was already on top of the pop universe...but just wasn't cool enough. Now, four SNL appearances later, JT has morphed into the perfect awards show host that awards show producers are just too stupid to realize. Come on guys, he's bringing sexy back to comedy!
The lesson of course is clear: with the right material, unleashing one's inner comedian can do wonders to one's career. I can think of a few who can follow on the footsteps of Mr. Timberlake, Mr. Baldwin, Ms. Brownstein, and Ms. Mann and improve their career, persona, and (possibly) legacy with the right comedic turn...
FIONA APPLE
Fiona, my dear. You were fast becoming my new favorite singer-songwriter during the late 90s until you pulled that shit in the 1997 MTV Awards. I mean, really? Can't you just record great, genre-defying songs without letting us know that you're really an embarassingly naive, self-conscious Holden Caulfield-wannabe? "This world" (referring to the music industry), you said, was "bullshit". Unfortunately, a lot of people took your word for it because no one has heard of you since...wait, when was your last record again?
Suggested Comedic Makeover:
A cameo in Seth Rogen's next movie where he works at Target, and he's jealous of you because you just won Employee of the Month. Then he hates you more when you take over the PA system, disturbing hundreds of shoppers with your heartfelt speech: "This job...is bullshit. And you shouldn't...wait a second (Seth Rogen: "Uh, no one's interrupting you") you shouldn't model your life about what you think we think is a great bargain or what can give you great savings...go with yourself."
BILL BELICHICK
Dude, look, I know you don't care that you're the LeBron James of Football...well, actually people used to like LeBron, whereas...anyway, the point is it wouldn't hurt if you showed people you could lighten up a little. At the very least, Tom Brady could follow your lead and stop thinking about his stupid hair for a minute so you could dominate the NFL again. If there's anything we learned from the recent NBA Finals is that you can't win if America's rooting against you all the time.
Suggested Comedic Makeover:
For Louis CK's directorial movie debut, you could play a recovering abusive father who's simultaneously in therapy and under parole. Only your kids take full advantage of this by having keg parties while you impossibly try to get some sleep and taking their boyfriends and girlfriends home and have sex in the next room while you're reading the paper. "Melissa!", you shout angrily. "Daddy...", your daughter (played by Emma Stone) exclaims worrily, the squeaky bed noises pausing momentarily, "...remember what Dr. Levinson said?" And then you sigh and say, "just keep it down, honey, daddy's trying to read here."
ANN COULTER
Just hear me out, Ms. Coulter. I'm not asking you to be the conservative right's Jon Stewart or Stephen Colbert, but the ice queen routine has got to be tempered down a little. You realize Glenn Beck's stealing your thunder, right? You know how he's pulling it off? By not taking himself too seriously. Fortunately, hardly anyone's taking him seriously either, while you're different. You actually sound like you know what you're talking about. Plus, you're easy on the eyes. But we need to do something about that sneering diva shtick of yours that has gotten old real fast.
Suggested Comedic Makeover:
Jane Lynch would absolutely kill this role, but it'd be more fun to roll the dice with you. Jesse Eisenberg is this newbie sales rep for an office equipment company. One of his deliveries gets screwed up so he makes a visit to the company warehouse where you are manager, only he recognizes you as retired adult movie star "Sylvia Stormz". "Everybody calls me Jill now," you say. "You know, like back in high school. You forget how weird your real name sounds like after a few years." As you go on and on about the office equipment business, we hear Jesse Eisenberg's thoughts: "She's Jill Dollenmayer. Warehouse manager. See? She knows so much about managing inventory. Because that's what she does. That's her occupation." You stop, mid-sentence, looking around the warehouse. "You know what?", you digress. "This actually reminds me of the warehouse where we shot 'Dirty Worxxx' back in '92, I think. Wait...maybe this was the same warehouse. I don't know, my memory of that era is still a bit fuzzy, if you know what I mean." Awkward pause. "Anyway, how can I help you?"
ROBIN PECKNOLD
Let me just be clear, right off the bat: I love Fleet Foxes. Your new record was a slow-grower, but now I'm fully convinced that it's better than your debut, which I thought was heavenly. Having said all that, Spin Magazine's recent feature on you had me worried. I mean, I know Brian Wilson has been a huge influence on your arrangements and multi-track harmonies, but you don't have to copy the dude's screwed-up psyche too. When you sung "I was raised up believing I was somehow unique...and now after some thinking, I'd say I'd rather be a functioning cog in some great machinery serving something beyond me," millions of people around the world chorused: "Oh well, here, take my fucking dead-end job, my monthly mortgage, and my bland, uneventful life, you poor indie rocker!"
Suggested Comedic Makeover:
You should do a cameo on Will Ferrell's next movie, playing a homeless guy with a golden voice. Will Ferell and his best bud (played by Paul Rudd) would go to your corner of the street every time they're down, watching you perform and even blending harmonies with you. In one scene where you're playing a beautiful acoustic rendition of "Mykonos", the new bum in town (played by Jack Black) would throw a beer bottle at you, at which point a fight would break, prompting this exchange between Will Ferrell and Paul Rudd:
Paul Rudd: "We should probably help him out. I don't think we can find another bum who can sing like that."
Will Ferrell: "Yeah, but this is pretty awesome, man. I mean, what is that guy doing to him?"
Paul Rudd: "Is that a wrestling move? MMA or whatever?"
Will Ferrell: "I saw this in a video about tantric sex once."
Paul Rudd: "Oh my God, I've been looking for that DVD for ages."
LEBRON JAMES
Stop listening to Maverick Carter and Worldwide Wes for a second and listen to me. Stop apologizing. Stop tweeting. Stop giving interviews. Just. Stop. The lockout's coming in a few weeks, right? This gives you plenty of time to not only repair your persona, but to totally abandon it. Just leave it alone, like that wayward pass you casually lobbed to Mike Miller that DeShawn Stevenson stole before hitting a dagger 3 in Game 6 of the NBA Finals, which you would want to forget about so let me make my point real quick here...
Suggested Comedic Makeover:
Walk around the country, with a camera-crew, as a totally different dude, Borat-style. You're playing "Chip Krozowski: The Whitest Black Man in America". You were brought up in a white family, in a 100% white neighborhood in a 95% white community in Utah. You couldn't even play basketball for BYU because you were too busy with church activities. And you didn't even find out you were black until your parents told you that you were adopted (where you do your spot-on impression of Steve Martin from "The Jerk": "You mean...I'm not white???"). Your mission now, is to go to all the cities where the brothas are and learn how to be black. Obviously, everyone would go: "Oh shit, you're LeBron James". Just play dumb and say, "LeBron James...that name is sooooo rad!"
It was easily one of the funniest TV moments of the year and it starred an angry feminist rocker and a depressing singer-songwriter. Carrie Brownstein fronted perhaps the most political riot grrrl band of the 90s while Aimee Mann wrote songs with lyrics like "It's not going to stop, so just give up" and "Do me a favor, if I should waver, be my savior and get out the gun". Humor isn't exactly a part of their repertoire. But this is no longer the 90s and they know it. We live in an era where playing a version of yourself that cleans houses because you can't sell records anymore is not merely okay, it's a brilliant career move.
Remember in the 90s when you had to be totally deep, weird, and serious (or even dead) to be cool? Or in the 2000s when you had to be cool to be cool? Well, that is so over because now you have to be funny to be cool. Conan O'Brien, Zach Galifianakis, Will Ferrell, Sarah Silverman, Jon Stewart...they have become the new archetypes of a hipster, smart-ish cool previously owned by the Julian Casablancas and Elliott Smith types who, while smart and hip, are utterly humorless. And nothing could possibly be lamer today than taking yourself too seriously.
From the minute Robert De Niro sparred with comedy cool guy du jour Ben Stiller in "Meet the Parents", Pandora's box was opened. Now, the zeitgeist is in full-tilt. P. Diddy, or whatever the hell name he uses now, was a scene-stealer in "Get Him to the Greek". We all remember Tom Cruise's dance moves in "Tropic Thunder" (although it's still debatable whether or not it was funny). Blythe Danner, for heaven's sake, uttered the funniest line in "Paul": "my pot!"
Some have even demonstrated that comedy isn't something you merely "dabble" in. Alec Baldwin has transitioned from debonaire action hero to funny man so seamlessly that comedy is all he's known for now. Justin Timberlake was already on top of the pop universe...but just wasn't cool enough. Now, four SNL appearances later, JT has morphed into the perfect awards show host that awards show producers are just too stupid to realize. Come on guys, he's bringing sexy back to comedy!
The lesson of course is clear: with the right material, unleashing one's inner comedian can do wonders to one's career. I can think of a few who can follow on the footsteps of Mr. Timberlake, Mr. Baldwin, Ms. Brownstein, and Ms. Mann and improve their career, persona, and (possibly) legacy with the right comedic turn...
FIONA APPLE
Fiona, my dear. You were fast becoming my new favorite singer-songwriter during the late 90s until you pulled that shit in the 1997 MTV Awards. I mean, really? Can't you just record great, genre-defying songs without letting us know that you're really an embarassingly naive, self-conscious Holden Caulfield-wannabe? "This world" (referring to the music industry), you said, was "bullshit". Unfortunately, a lot of people took your word for it because no one has heard of you since...wait, when was your last record again?
Suggested Comedic Makeover:
A cameo in Seth Rogen's next movie where he works at Target, and he's jealous of you because you just won Employee of the Month. Then he hates you more when you take over the PA system, disturbing hundreds of shoppers with your heartfelt speech: "This job...is bullshit. And you shouldn't...wait a second (Seth Rogen: "Uh, no one's interrupting you") you shouldn't model your life about what you think we think is a great bargain or what can give you great savings...go with yourself."
BILL BELICHICK
Dude, look, I know you don't care that you're the LeBron James of Football...well, actually people used to like LeBron, whereas...anyway, the point is it wouldn't hurt if you showed people you could lighten up a little. At the very least, Tom Brady could follow your lead and stop thinking about his stupid hair for a minute so you could dominate the NFL again. If there's anything we learned from the recent NBA Finals is that you can't win if America's rooting against you all the time.
Suggested Comedic Makeover:
For Louis CK's directorial movie debut, you could play a recovering abusive father who's simultaneously in therapy and under parole. Only your kids take full advantage of this by having keg parties while you impossibly try to get some sleep and taking their boyfriends and girlfriends home and have sex in the next room while you're reading the paper. "Melissa!", you shout angrily. "Daddy...", your daughter (played by Emma Stone) exclaims worrily, the squeaky bed noises pausing momentarily, "...remember what Dr. Levinson said?" And then you sigh and say, "just keep it down, honey, daddy's trying to read here."
ANN COULTER
Just hear me out, Ms. Coulter. I'm not asking you to be the conservative right's Jon Stewart or Stephen Colbert, but the ice queen routine has got to be tempered down a little. You realize Glenn Beck's stealing your thunder, right? You know how he's pulling it off? By not taking himself too seriously. Fortunately, hardly anyone's taking him seriously either, while you're different. You actually sound like you know what you're talking about. Plus, you're easy on the eyes. But we need to do something about that sneering diva shtick of yours that has gotten old real fast.
Suggested Comedic Makeover:
Jane Lynch would absolutely kill this role, but it'd be more fun to roll the dice with you. Jesse Eisenberg is this newbie sales rep for an office equipment company. One of his deliveries gets screwed up so he makes a visit to the company warehouse where you are manager, only he recognizes you as retired adult movie star "Sylvia Stormz". "Everybody calls me Jill now," you say. "You know, like back in high school. You forget how weird your real name sounds like after a few years." As you go on and on about the office equipment business, we hear Jesse Eisenberg's thoughts: "She's Jill Dollenmayer. Warehouse manager. See? She knows so much about managing inventory. Because that's what she does. That's her occupation." You stop, mid-sentence, looking around the warehouse. "You know what?", you digress. "This actually reminds me of the warehouse where we shot 'Dirty Worxxx' back in '92, I think. Wait...maybe this was the same warehouse. I don't know, my memory of that era is still a bit fuzzy, if you know what I mean." Awkward pause. "Anyway, how can I help you?"
ROBIN PECKNOLD
Let me just be clear, right off the bat: I love Fleet Foxes. Your new record was a slow-grower, but now I'm fully convinced that it's better than your debut, which I thought was heavenly. Having said all that, Spin Magazine's recent feature on you had me worried. I mean, I know Brian Wilson has been a huge influence on your arrangements and multi-track harmonies, but you don't have to copy the dude's screwed-up psyche too. When you sung "I was raised up believing I was somehow unique...and now after some thinking, I'd say I'd rather be a functioning cog in some great machinery serving something beyond me," millions of people around the world chorused: "Oh well, here, take my fucking dead-end job, my monthly mortgage, and my bland, uneventful life, you poor indie rocker!"
Suggested Comedic Makeover:
You should do a cameo on Will Ferrell's next movie, playing a homeless guy with a golden voice. Will Ferell and his best bud (played by Paul Rudd) would go to your corner of the street every time they're down, watching you perform and even blending harmonies with you. In one scene where you're playing a beautiful acoustic rendition of "Mykonos", the new bum in town (played by Jack Black) would throw a beer bottle at you, at which point a fight would break, prompting this exchange between Will Ferrell and Paul Rudd:
Paul Rudd: "We should probably help him out. I don't think we can find another bum who can sing like that."
Will Ferrell: "Yeah, but this is pretty awesome, man. I mean, what is that guy doing to him?"
Paul Rudd: "Is that a wrestling move? MMA or whatever?"
Will Ferrell: "I saw this in a video about tantric sex once."
Paul Rudd: "Oh my God, I've been looking for that DVD for ages."
LEBRON JAMES
Stop listening to Maverick Carter and Worldwide Wes for a second and listen to me. Stop apologizing. Stop tweeting. Stop giving interviews. Just. Stop. The lockout's coming in a few weeks, right? This gives you plenty of time to not only repair your persona, but to totally abandon it. Just leave it alone, like that wayward pass you casually lobbed to Mike Miller that DeShawn Stevenson stole before hitting a dagger 3 in Game 6 of the NBA Finals, which you would want to forget about so let me make my point real quick here...
Suggested Comedic Makeover:
Walk around the country, with a camera-crew, as a totally different dude, Borat-style. You're playing "Chip Krozowski: The Whitest Black Man in America". You were brought up in a white family, in a 100% white neighborhood in a 95% white community in Utah. You couldn't even play basketball for BYU because you were too busy with church activities. And you didn't even find out you were black until your parents told you that you were adopted (where you do your spot-on impression of Steve Martin from "The Jerk": "You mean...I'm not white???"). Your mission now, is to go to all the cities where the brothas are and learn how to be black. Obviously, everyone would go: "Oh shit, you're LeBron James". Just play dumb and say, "LeBron James...that name is sooooo rad!"
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