The Kim Chiu Feeding Program

A decade ago, the marketing cliché du jour was to “get young”. That was the only way you could sell your product. You have to package it as youthful, vibrant, sassy, Gen-X, hip, energetic, teeny, or whatever the hell else they coined along the way.

Now, as we near the end of the first decade of the 21st century, being young is not enough anymore. You have to be thin. Products left and right convince you that they could help you lose pounds. Actors and actresses suddenly grow abs out of nowhere. That “Fit ‘n Right” must really be working then.

Of course marketers have to outdo each other in this hyper-competitive environment. Look at what happened over the course of 20 years: from 22-year-old Kurt Cobain, we went to 18-year-old boyband boytoys, then to 16-year-old Britney Spears, which brings us to pre-pubescent Miley Cyrus and The Jonas Brothers.

We in the Philippines – with our current diet, pseudo-fitness, let’s-get-as-thin-as-humanly-possible craze – have finally produced our very own devolutionary poster-child: Kim Chiu.

Forget “Fit ‘n Right”. With Kim Chiu’s recent endorsement of Coke, we may have a new weight-loss bullshit drink to kid ourselves with. Has anyone even seen her lately? Are we sure she’s not bulimic, or at the very least, anorexic? Are we sure she’s not dying? I can’t believe no one’s talking about this! She literally has nothing left but bones and epidermis! Seriously!

Have we really reached a point where a celebrity could resemble a malnourished child from a UNICEF ad and still not cause a fuss? Are we legitimately considering this kind of body type as normal?

As with all Western trends, it seems we’ve caught on this Hollywood excess and vanity fad a few years too late. Kate Moss is so 90s, the Olsen Twins are so 2000, and Nicole Ritchie is so 2005. Well, it’s 2009, and it’s time for us Pinoys to be up to speed on these things. There’s a new paradigm shift quietly brewing in Hollywood and this is our chance to ride something before it even happens. There’s a TV actress out there who’s slowly but increasingly getting significant buzz. And for the love of God and everything that is holy, I hope she gets really famous really fast, so that we can finally have the Anti-Kim Chiu. Fellow “Mad Men” fans know who I’m talking about. The one, the only, Miss Holloway: Christina Hendricks.

She is humanity’s last hope of obliterating the long-held standard of beauty set by the post-Supermodel world. We’ve been conditioned to think, for so long, that attractiveness can only be achieved through thinness. This is not an absolute truth. Certain periods in human history have seen the heavy-set enjoy celebrity status. Maybe it’s time for another renaissance.

Christina Hendricks should be our muse. Let’s embrace her. Although I would love to do that literally, what I’m really talking about is embracing a culture of fullness. Women should be fulfilled, satisfied, and happy. Women should eat whatever they want and not feel bad about it. Can’t you just imagine being on a date with Christina Hendricks, watching her plow through a rib-eye steak, a tall glass of milkshake, and a thick slice of blueberry chessecake? Don’t you long for the day when doing that would no longer be frowned upon? Women should be backing me up on this. I’m talking about a new liberation movement here! You could eat and look beautiful at the same time! Yes you can! Yes you can!

Let’s usher in this revolution by making Christina Hendricks insanely popular. Our target should be to make her at least more popular than Jessica Biel by the end of the year. She’s in “Mad Men”, go watch it, it’s the best TV show on the planet. Google her, talk about her, spread false rumors about her, do anything! I’m telling you, she’s ready to burst into the limelight; pun very much intended.

And while we’re at it, let’s help feed Kim Chiu and others like her. If you’re a big fan of hers, please bring her a Big Mac to one of her shows. Instead of begging for her autograph or having her picture taken with you, beg her to eat it instead. It’s for the good of all mankind. And womankind, more importantly.

Kim Chiu picture courtesy of corragio from pinoyexchange.com http://www.pinoyexchange.com/forums/showthread.php?t=344691&page=75

Christina Hendricks collage courtesy of popslant.com

http://popslant.pblakeney.com/2008/10/madmen_swings_in_the_sixties.html

Christina Hendricks solo photo courtesy of egotastic.com

http://www.egotastic.com/image?path=0902/christina-hendricks-cleavage-15.jpg&info=Christina%20Hendricks%20Cleavage%20Pictures